‘Pressure’, a word pops up in my mind recently,
comes from my job, my family, extra activities from other
parties. There are loads of works that is needed to be finished within the limited
of time. It is difficult to determine which should be finished first because
almost all of them are required to be done at the same period of time.
For my job, it is difficult to maintain a good balance of time to for
learning and working. It is a huge task for me to work indeed. I have started
worrying about my career since I have starting working. ‘Is my current job
suitable for me as my career?’ is a challenging question for me. I am not good
at computing. My technical skills are so weak that I cannot accept myself to be
a programmer. However, it is so ironic that I am now working as a programmer
for over a year. This is the truth and I need to accept. I try to be
enthusiastic towards my career and, in fact, I love programming but I cannot
work as expected. This is quite frustrated. I cannot take this as my interest
because it is my job. Enjoying my job is not that difficult. My pressure I give
myself on my job is a critical issue.
For my family, knowing my family loves me, I give
myself a lot of pressure in different aspect. I cannot show them any of my
unhappiness even I am seriously depressed. As I have mentioned before, being
silent is the method to avoid any argument caused by my unhappiness.
For extra activities from other parties, this is
what others said who put oneself at risk because one has separated oneself in
so many aspects. I am sure that I am that kind of person. Once I have made the
promise, it becomes one of my responsibilities. I need to finish the promised issue,
even which is a voluntary job. This is what my personality like and this is
difficult to change.
My friends ask me to give myself a change. I have
changed a lot but it seems that the change is not worth telling anyone, or the
change can be known as turning worse for my life.
It is difficult for me to say my feeling
right at the moment. I am extremely frustrated about my life. What do I want to be? This question always
pops up in my head. I know my answer, which is being a good wife. How about my
job? I always want to do my best in my job. Unfortunately, it comes to my
problem. I can seldom work as expected. I have planned many things but I can
only finish half of them, or even less. ‘Chance’ has been here. I have tried to
grab but it slips away. I feel extremely uncomfortable about this.
Where do my confidence go these day? This
is another question that I ask myself these days. What I can say is that I
discover that my confidence left me silently without any notification in the
past few years. Maybe it is the phenomenon after the HKCEE. I am extremely
worried about the result, and also the academic performance when I was a Form 6
student. When I was a Form 7 student. My confidence left and only ‘alone’ is
When I am with my friends, I try my best to
be happy and talkative. I am indeed. However, after that, I feel being alone
again. In fact, my personality is quite strange. I can be talkative and I can
be silent suddenly. I can stay silent for a few hours without giving a sound of
There is a big degree of difference between
silent and quiet. I am regarded as silent but not quiet. This is not a normal
character for a talkative person.
Uncomfortable and unsafe can be used to
describing my daily life recently. There is no doubt that I am filled with love
completely by people surrounding me. However, there is something in my mind
that I cannot overcome it. I do not know what it is. I is so disturbing and I
lose my control on it. What can I do so I can save myself? What am I worrying
The 5-ball Theory gives me a big hint in my
life indeed. My friend told me that it seemed that I had lost some of the glass
ball. I answered that I struck a good balance between all of them. After giving
these words, I considered my answer as ‘cheating for the whole world’. Is it
the right thing that I tell myself I have struck a good balance between all of
them? I cannot judge myself. There are always pros and cons. I may know whether
it is good to me.
What can I do right now? I had better clear
my mind. I think I shall wake myself up and find my lost confidence. One day, I
can prove that I am doing the right thing and I can give myself an answer.
難道女人的確是此的難以估計? 性格過份爽朗換來的卻是自我的收藏 又是那個把自己困住的圈嗎 「我可以畫一個圈，把自己困在裡面」 這個圈 如 打從我中學以後便跟我過活了多年 每次想把心底話說出 那番說話好像越不過在這個圈上築起的那道圍牆 「骨碌骨碌」的吞到肚子去 當我再有機會說出來的時候 又不懂得去表達 唉呀，只怪我是「語癌末期」的人
這是我一直遵守的（雖然好像沒有成功過＝ ＝ ）