‘Pressure’, a word pops up in my mind recently,
comes from my job, my family, extra activities from other
parties. There are loads of works that is needed to be finished within the limited
of time. It is difficult to determine which should be finished first because
almost all of them are required to be done at the same period of time.
For my job, it is difficult to maintain a good balance of time to for
learning and working. It is a huge task for me to work indeed. I have started
worrying about my career since I have starting working. ‘Is my current job
suitable for me as my career?’ is a challenging question for me. I am not good
at computing. My technical skills are so weak that I cannot accept myself to be
a programmer. However, it is so ironic that I am now working as a programmer
for over a year. This is the truth and I need to accept. I try to be
enthusiastic towards my career and, in fact, I love programming but I cannot
work as expected. This is quite frustrated. I cannot take this as my interest
because it is my job. Enjoying my job is not that difficult. My pressure I give
myself on my job is a critical issue.
For my family, knowing my family loves me, I give
myself a lot of pressure in different aspect. I cannot show them any of my
unhappiness even I am seriously depressed. As I have mentioned before, being
silent is the method to avoid any argument caused by my unhappiness.
For extra activities from other parties, this is
what others said who put oneself at risk because one has separated oneself in
so many aspects. I am sure that I am that kind of person. Once I have made the
promise, it becomes one of my responsibilities. I need to finish the promised issue,
even which is a voluntary job. This is what my personality like and this is
difficult to change.
My friends ask me to give myself a change. I have
changed a lot but it seems that the change is not worth telling anyone, or the
change can be known as turning worse for my life.